Film Quotes


Gil Pender: Midnight In Paris (2011)

• “I’m having trouble because I’m a Hollywood hack who never gave real literature a shot.”
• “Wonderful but forgettable. It sounds like a film I’ve seen. I probably wrote it.”
• “You can fool me, but you cannot fool Ernest Hemingway!”
• “That’s what the present is. It’s a little unsatisfying because life is unsatisfying.”
• “Yes, but you’re a surrealist! I’m a normal guy!”
• “I don’t get here often enough, that’s the problem. Can you picture how drop dead gorgeous this city is in the rain?”
• “This is unbelievable! Look at this! There’s no city like this in the world. There never was.”
• “I’m jealous and I’m trusting. It’s cognitive dissonance. F. Scott Fitzgerald talked about it.”
• “You’re very kind, but I wouldn’t call my babbling poetic. Although I was on a pretty good roll there.”
• “They are your friends and I have to admit I’m not quite as taken with them as you are.”

John Beckwith: Wedding Crashers (2005)

• “Bingo! I’m gonna get my suit. Now who are we this time?”
• “Wait, that’s stupid. We don’t know anything about maple syrup.”
• “Rule #16: Give me an up-to-date family tree. That was your mistake. You made me look like an idiot.”
• “Love doesn’t exist, that’s what I’m trying to tell you guys. And I’m not picking on love, ’cause I don’t think friendship exists either.”
• “And I’m sorry I called you hillbilly. I don’t even know what that means.”
• “What are you going to do for an encore? Walk on water?”
• “That’s right. What am I thinking? I’m used to sailing Down Under with the Kiwis so everything’s backwards. Even the toilets, when you flush them, the water spins the opposite way. Really freaks you out the first time you see it.”
• “What are you doing? It’s a game of touch football, every time I look over you’re on your ass again.”
• “I’m sorry, Kitty Kat, are you out of your fucking mind?”
• “Ok, meet me at the back of the room. I’ll be the guy waiting to say I told you so.”
• “The whole 17 years we’ve known each other I’ve been sneaking off to go on little hunting trips around the world. No, I don’t even know what the fuck a quail is!”
• “Yes, with the Yankees you lose good men to trades and unruly fans. Look I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry.”
• “I think we’ve got a crier.”
• “I’d like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it’s not Halloween. Grow up, Peter Pan. Count Chocula.”
• “Shirts and Pants! Holy Shirts and Pants. It’s a little corny and obvious, but what do you get out of being subtle, right?”
• “Rule #1: Never Leave a Fellow Crasher Behind.”
• “Don’t waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper.”
• “I don’t know what red seven means. I don’t… What is hot route?”
• “He lived with his mom till he was forty! She tried to poison his oatmeal!”
• “Rule No.5: ‘You’re an idiot’”

Roy O’Bannon: Shanghai Knights (2003)

• “I’ll give you the highlights. They came over with about a million men. We had a bunch of farmers with pitchforks and beat ‘em like a drum.”
• “I think we look good.”
• “I don’t know, Chon, these people are nuts.”
• “This is a hell of a damn adventure we’re on and I’m having an absolute ball with you.”
• “So what are we gonna do? Come on, think! I’m not going to an English prison. With my feathery blond hair and Chon’s athletic build, they’ll try to make us the bell of the ball.”
• “Slow down, Tiger. Slow down. Quit going all Chinese on me.”
• “Roy O’Bannon will not go quietly. You hear that, England? Throw whatever you want at me! Your terrible weather! Your perverted killers! Your Spotted Dick!”
• “I’ve just been violated by a barnyard animal, Chon!”
• “That diamond is as big as a damn monkey’s paw.”
• “Can you believe this guy? I’m trying to get something to eat and he’s asking me if I got the clap.”
• “I do like a good disguise…”
• “I’m a bat out of hell! Besides, I don’t know where the brake is.”
• “I’m guessing by your hasty retreat, that you’re still 20th in line for the throne.”
• “I blew most of it on the Roy O’Bannon novels. I wrote them.”
• “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy. What’s with the personal attacks? You don’t see me making any comments about your pasty complexion or your snotty accent, or even your filthy, smutty sex books! Yeah, I saw your book. It disgusted me.”
• “I’m a thirty year old waiter/gigolo. Where’s the future in that?”
• “Hey, Chon, you’re lucky I didn’t invest in that ridiculous “auto-mobile” idea. Yeah, that’s gonna make a lot of money.”
• “Ooooh… You think you’re so cool with your karate… and your child-like reflexes!”
• “That’s what I love about China. Everybody’s job description sounds so damn cool!”
• “There’s this new thing they’re starting out in California: moving pictures. There’s no sound, so we won’t have to worry about the language problem, and I think the kung fu stuff could be huge! People are dying for a good action flick.”
• “Refresh my memory. What gold are we talking about?”
• “I see a lot of myself in that kid. It’s kinda freakin’ me out.”
• “Hey, Rathbone! I was just thinking of a title for my new book. ‘Roy O’Bannon vs. Little Lord Sissy.’ Or how about ‘Roy O’Bannon versus the Man who would be Queen?’”
• “I call that my kung pow chicken.”
• “What do you mean, you don’t know how to open it? You just get a hammer and smash it open so you can see what it says.”
• “This isn’t a yard! It’s a JAIL!”
• “That’s a terrible name for a detective. Sherlock Holmes? Holmes?
• “(as it starts raining) Oh, this country blows.”
• “Easy fellas, you lost one war this way, don’t make the same mistake twice.”

Eli Cash: The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

• “I’m sorry, don’t listen to me. I’m on mescaline. I’ve been spaced out all day.”
• “Well… Wildcat was written in a kind of obsolete vernacular…”
• “That’s what he said. I don’t know how we’re supposed to take it.”
• “I’m gonna go. I’m taking this off and I’m going. Stepping out.”
• “Wildcat… wild… cat… pow… wildcat…”
• “Please stop belittling me. You never gave me the time of day til I started getting good reviews.”
• “Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone’s *not* a genius? Do you especially think I’m *not* a genius? You didn’t even have to think about it, did you?”
• “Well, everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is… maybe he didn’t.”
• “But I did find it odd when you said you were in love with her. She’s married you know.”
• “Where’s my shoe?”
• “The crickets and the rust-beetles scuttled among the nettles of the sage thicket. “Vámonos, amigos,” he whispered, and threw the busted leather flintcraw over the loose weave of the saddlecock. And they rode on in the friscalating dusklight.”

Hansel: Zoolander (2001)

• “Are you challenging me to a walk-off… Boo-Lander?”
• “I friggin’ worship you, man.”
• “Holy shit, Hansel, haven’t you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn’t some of this maybe be in your head?”
• “Taste my pain, bitch!”
• “Whoa, whoa, easy! How ’bout a ‘Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak fest last night.’”
• “You is talking loco and I like it!”
• “What’s the dealio, yo?”
• “They’re *in* the computer?”
• “I wasn’t like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere’s a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who’s a hero. The music he’s created over the years, I don’t really listen to it, but the fact that he’s making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I’m selling? No. Do I know what I’m doing today? No. But I’m here, and I’m gonna give it my best shot.”
• “Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he’s a cool dude!”
• “I guess you can dere-lick my balls cap-E-tan.”
• “The results are in amigo. What’s left to ponder?”
• “I hear words like “beauty” and “handsomness” and “incredibly chiseled features” and for me that’s like a vanity of self absorption that I try to steer clear of.”

Kevin Rawley: Meet The Parents (2000)

• “Wow, that’s great. I’d love to find time to do some volunteer work. Just the other day I saw a golden retriever, he had like a gimp, ya know I just wish I could have done something.”
• “[On who inspired him to be a wood worker] I guess I would have to say Jesus. He was a carpenter, and I just figured if you’re going to follow in someone’s footsteps, who better than Christ?”
• ” There he is. Okay, G-Man, we’ve got swordfish and we’ve got salmon, what’ll it be?”

Roy O’Bannon: Shanghai Noon (2000)

• “Oh, you mean the sick prisoner routine? Does that still work in China? ‘Cause here it’s sorta been done to death.”
• “What? No! That’s not how we wing it! You’ve lost your ‘winging it’ privileges!”
• “I don’t know karate, but I know kar-azy, and I will use it!”
• “Come on. We’re men, we’re not pinatas!”
• “Are you kidding me? You’re sitting here, waiting to die for someone whose balls haven’t even dropped?”
• “First time you ever see an outlaw? Scared? Kind of excited, too? All mixed up? Yeah. Last train we robbed we were naked it was so hot out.”
• “Holy crap, the vultures are eating my head!”
• “You gotta be able to laugh at stuff like that. Like me in the desert. I don’t hold any grudges; I laugh about it. I’m not angry at you. You just left me there with chopsticks to die. Roy, all by his lonesome, just me and the buzzards, pickin’ at my head… You’re a very silent man, aren’t you?”
• “Let me put it this way. My horse is definitely not my best friend.”
• “No, you said ‘wet shirt don’t break,’ not ‘piss shirt bend bar’!”
• “That’s my line. He stole my gang, he’s stealing my lines. It’s unbelievable!”
• “A 2000-year-old civilization and that’s the best you can come up with? Shame on you. Shame on you!”
• “I’m so lost, Chon. Ninety percent of the time I don’t even know what I’m doing out here in the West.”
• “I like that, Forbidden City, a princess, kidnapped! It’s so mysterious.”
• “C’mon Roy, you can do it! Ah, no you can’t, he’s gonna kill ya.”
• “He wasn’t part of my gang! He was a new guy! And he’s crazy as a road lizard!”
• “I *am* like a wild horse. You can’t tame me. You put the oats in the pen, though, and I’ll come in for a nibble every day. But the minute you shut that gate, I’ll jump the fence and you’ll never see me again.”
• “What are you doing? No, no, I sorta like to be the only guy that talks, alright?”

Gary Dixon: Anaconda (1997)

• “Is it just me or does the jungle make you really, really horny?”
• “There’s something down there. No, I really mean it.”
• “You don’t know shit about the shit we’re in out here!”

Leave a Reply